Fleeting thoughts
I demand, I expect, I require,
I desire, I wait, I miss,
Impatiently, pushily, demandingly,
Lack, deficiency, unfulfillment.
I trust, I am, I believe, I create,
I discover, I accept the unexpected,
I appreciate the unexpected with delight,
Thank you with gratitude.
16/03/2024
You know...I don't understand...
What did I do to deserve this?
I did everything for my family.
I have been divorced for over 20 years and I still believe that I have vowed to marry one wife before God for life.
I did everything to make them happy: I worked hard... I built a house... they had everything...
She cheated on me...
I couldn't forget...
I left the house as I was. I slept in the stairwells... I didn't know... I didn't even think it was possible to rent a room... that I could go on living...
Years of depression...
Strangers helped...
my ex-wife took everything from me... and my company was generating large profits...
and
it's been like this for over 20 years...
alone
I did everything to have contact with my children...
You know...they're gorgeous!! Look...aren't they beautiful?
You know...they did it, they are exceptionally talented!!
See!! What careers they pursue...they are successful...
I am so proud of them!!
You know...they blocked me on Facebook...
Now I can't even see what they're up to...
this time I know why:
for the first time in my life I reminded myself...
After 20 years, it's time to sort out the past...
I still have nothing...
all the money went to alimony...
it is what it is...
this room in the hotel will be enough (maybe 9 m2)
health regret...
You know...I spent another Christmas Eve all alone...
but for the first time I know why the children didn't call...
almost all holidays looked the same...
I don't know...
what did I do to deserve it?
I tried so hard...
I did everything...
it is what it is...
23/01/2022
The holidays are coming...
And I have already read the entry on the Internet:
"I hate the holidays! And I'll be alone again. It's best if I lock the door and turn off my phone."
How many people spend the holidays alone?
I am not writing about those who are alone by choice.
Being alone doesn't mean being lonely!
You can be in a crowd, in a family, alone.....
and at the same time...
you can be
VERY LONELY
By:
lack of understanding,
lack of acceptance,
the absence of someone close,
and sometimes...
from a self-destructive defensive reaction...
because if you are so sensitive...
and so many times fate and people have screwed up...
and I no longer have the strength to get up again...
and it hurts so much that it is impossible to bear any greater pain...
this
Better
alone...
kick, bite and sting everyone around!!
better to manipulate and exploit !!
than to be taken advantage of!!
and later
on holidays
close the door and turn off the phone...
for fear that no one will call.
09/12/2021
